When Midlife Arrives Earlier Than Expected
Millennials, menopause, and the cost of being unprepared
“I had barely heard the term perimenopause, even though I’m very well educated and passionate about women’s health.” That was the surprising quote from a recent conversation with Laura Tetenbaum, author of the book Millennial Menopause.
I was surprised by this because we typically see millennials as well informed. They are digital natives, they talk openly about subjects that have been previously almost taboo, like mental health. They live in an information rich society. So where is the disconnect?
The lack of good, well grounded and relatable information available for women, while getting better, is still nowhere it needs to be. If it isn’t reaching GenX women, it most certainly isn’t reaching millennial women.
Even when they have some information, some awareness, what they are usually missing is the preparation. What does the menopause transition mean for a millennial woman? Mothers, who may be experiencing this transition themselves may not have talked about it with their daughters, or if they have it may well have been just a conversation about symptoms.
Nobody Expects It Yet
Typically, when we talk about the menopause transition we envisage women in their late 40’s, early 50’s (after all the average age in the US for arriving at menopause is 51). That places those women firmly in Gen X territory.
Except the true picture of the menopause transition is much broader than that. The symptoms can arrive as early as the mid-30’s, and persist for up to 10 years, sometimes longer. These women aren’t expecting this life stage. A lot of them are at a career inflection point, deciding to move forward and embrace new opportunities. Perhaps some of them are considering starting a family or adding to an existing one.
What they are not thinking about is a life stage that changes everything.
As Lauren pointed out:
“Women that I see still tend to not recognize themselves within the label of perimenopause.”
That label just doesn’t fit the image of a millennial woman. But of the 2 million women entering perimenopause each year in the US up to 500,000 of them are millennials.
When Nobody Believes You
The type and severity of the symptoms they might experience are as unique as the woman herself. Perhaps she decides to consult with a medical professional, her PCP or OB/GYN, only to be told that she is too young to be perimenopausal.
As Lauren pointed out in our conversation -
“If someone is constantly telling you, no, you’re fine, and you’re not, that is going to really impact your mood and your sense of self.”
Women being dismissed by the medical profession isn’t something that is surprising. It is especially common with the menopause transition because of the lack of training that Drs receive. So when a woman is told she is fine, her labs look great, she is left with this feeling that there is something else wrong with her. Perhaps she is imaging things, being over-reactive to situations, or just not coping as well as she should.
Then there is the relationship that starts to become strained. I recently had a conversation with a woman who told me her partner refused to believe she was in perimenopause. Even after her Doctor confirmed it for her. Why? Because what did that mean for him if she was at that stage of life, was he suddenly “old”?
This isn’t uncommon among men, to personalize the menopause transition. To place themselves at the center of the issue. They look to fix a situation, to provide a solution. That is what they are taught to do. To solve things. When faced with a situation that can’t be fixed and has no neat solution, they can find themselves facing an identity shift. “Who am I, if I can’t be useful?”
The Ripples Beyond Her
The menopause transition doesn’t stay at home, the symptoms don’t stop at the front door. A woman carries them with her into her daily life. Perhaps she works outside of the home. Does her workplace make accommodations for women facing this life change? Many don’t. I recently heard an HR professional say “Menopause isn’t on our radar yet”.
These ripples affect their partner, they can roll into his work environment, disturbed sleep, a cycle of conflict at home and more means that others are experiencing the impact of the menopause transition without even realizing it. There aren’t workplace accommodations for men experiencing the menopause transition alongside their partners.
The symptoms people talk about, hot flashes, brain fog, mood swings are the focus of a lot of conversations. And those symptoms are very real. But the symptoms don’t stop there. Each woman’s symptoms will vary across a plethora of symptoms (anywhere up to 100). Suddenly that person that was self-confident and had vision and focus, starts to shift. And that shift can bring with it a loss of confidence.
The Opportunity Millennials Have
For some women it isn’t all doom and gloom. For many they find that they have a new clarity about life. Lauren expressed this as:
“I feel like the best version of myself. I know myself. I don’t stand for bullshit anymore.”
What happens when a generation is more informed, more aware and better prepared for this transitional phase?
The symptoms don’t disappear. The hormonal changes don’t become less significant. The challenges to relationships, careers and identity don’t suddenly go away.
What changes is the experience of them.
Women recognize the signs earlier. Partners understand what they are seeing. Conversations happen sooner. Healthcare is sought earlier. Support arrives before years have been lost to confusion, self-doubt and misdiagnosis.
Preparation doesn’t prevent the menopause transition. It prevents people from facing it alone.
And perhaps that is the real opportunity for millennials. Not to avoid this life stage, but to become the first generation to enter it with the language, knowledge and support that previous generations were denied.
You can connect with Lauren here:
You can purchase her book Millennial Menopause here