The Question That Started It
I’ve seen a couple of notes on Substack lately about men and menopause and the information they could be given. What I noticed was that some focused on explaining menopause medically. That sparked a question in me - What do men want to know about menopause?
I turned to Google as a place to start trying to understand the searches that were being made for menopause information. I used Google Keyword Planner. My searches focused on partners, without specifying particular relationship issues that might influence the results. One limitation of this form of research was that Google provides estimated volumes for searches. It doesn’t directly identify the gender of the searcher.
What The Searches Reveal
The sample below gives some indication of the types of searches being made:
“Signs my wife is going through menopause” (50 estimated monthly searches)
“Helping my wife through menopause” (50)
“My wife is going through menopause what do I do” (50)
“Menopause changed my wife” (50)
These terms aren’t in any particular order and were influenced in part by the seed terms that I used to get the results.
Each of these searches may show a different type of information. “Signs my wife is going through menopause” suggests an interest in identifying symptoms and possible changes in behavior. “Helping my wife through menopause” clearly expresses a support-focused question. “My wife is going through menopause what do I do”. This phrase is reflective of uncertainty about how to support a partner, how to respond to changes, or how to manage the searcher’s own experience. “Menopause changed my wife” could be categorized as a need for explanations about the changes being seen.
This is great as a starting point. It gives us a window into what men are potentially asking, but it doesn’t give us context. We don’t know what the experiences are that are driving these searches or what answers the men searching are hoping to find.
Beyond The Search Bar
I didn’t want to narrow my exploration by solely focusing on Google search terms so I turned to Reddit and specifically r/menopauseshedformen. This sub reddit defines itself as “A non-jugmental, safe place for men/partners to talk about their experience of helping their partner through the menopause”
This sub-reddit provided some interesting further insight into the questions men are actually asking about menopause. The questions range from the medical - questions about everything from vaginal dryness to PMDD, medical solutions - HRT, patches (and their shortage) and the relational - sexless marriages, difficulty navigating the changes in the relationship itself.
What these posts gave me was a deeper insight into what might prompt the searches being made. A man who has medical questions is going to use very different search terms than a man experiencing changes in their relationship.
One very recent post stood out for me in the relationship category. The poster described how his wife’s newly established boundaries had changed what he previously experienced as a collaborative marriage. He made it very clear that he understood and supported his wife’s right to autonomy, what he was struggling to reconcile was understanding that and living in the new situation that had been created. This, of course, is just one example, and there may well be other factors beyond menopause at play in this situation. But I think it speaks to a broader question that men have. What does the new dynamic that menopause introduces to a relationship mean for them? That’s something that the search words can’t show us.
These different ways of looking at the questions men are asking raises the issue of what support and information men are actually looking for.
I believe we can place that into three broad categories:
Treatments and Support Options - what is happening physically and emotionally and what treatments and support are available?
Relationships - How do couples navigate the changes they are experiencing in areas like intimacy, boundary setting, responsibilities and connection?
Practical Guidance - What can a partner do when things change, especially when things are outside of their control?
What is worth examining is whether existing materials address these types of questions. I know from personal experience and conversations with other men that it is difficult to find sources, outside of peers, that address them.
So what do men want to know about menopause? What I’ve seen suggests that their questions extend beyond medical explanations to understanding changes in their relationships and how they can respond. There is clearly more to investigate, particularly whether existing resources address these different needs. If we want men to engage with menopause education, understanding the questions they’re already asking seems like a good place to start.
Want to add to the conversation. Leave a comment. I reply to them all.
This substack runs on copious amounts of tea. If you’d like to support it, you could always buy me a cuppa.
Really interesting perspective, Simon. I'm actually developing a resource for men called *The Stranger in Your Bed*, so this is particularly relevant.
I think one of the challenges with menopause education is that we spend so much time explaining what's happening to women's bodies that we sometimes overlook what's happening within their relationships.
And I wonder how often menopause is blamed for changes that may actually be women reassessing long-standing expectations, responsibilities and boundaries. Not every change in a relationship is a symptom that needs explaining or fixing.
I love your approach of starting with what men are actually asking. I suspect there's a real opportunity to bring both perspectives together and have some more useful conversations.
Simon, one more thought! Would you be interested in joining me for a conversation on The 3AM Club, my She2.0 podcast?
I'd love to explore what men are asking about menopause, what women wish their partners understood, and where those two perspectives collide.
I think there's a really interesting conversation to be had, particularly around how menopause affects relationships, communication and expectations.
I suspect we'd have a fascinating conversation. Would you be interested?