This idea, of menopause awareness flowing both ways in a couple’s relationship, really stood out during a conversation I had with Debbi McCullough.
Debbi raised a simple point. Menopause doesn’t always happen out loud.
It Doesn’t Happen Out Loud
It is often misunderstood, or not discussed at all, especially at home. Symptoms are there, but they are almost invisible. They are happening to her, and without a clear way to communicate what is going on, the message either comes out garbled or doesn’t come out at all.
This invisibility isn’t just societal. It’s happening inside the relationship.
It shows up in kitchens, bedrooms, in the middle of the night. In moments where something feels off, but no one quite has the language for it. And when there is no language, it’s easy for confusion to turn into frustration, resentment, or something sharper.
It’s Not The Headline Symptoms
The symptoms themselves aren’t always the headline grabbers like hot flashes. In fact, 23% of women say they don’t experience them at all. It’s the quieter symptoms that often carry more weight.
Insomnia that lingers into the next day. A heightened sense of smell where something once neutral becomes unbearable. The small things that used to be easy to overlook now feel impossible to ignore. Sensory overload becomes normal. Someone who used to hold everything together suddenly can’t.
Even something like the “meat ick”, a sudden aversion that changes what’s on the table, becomes another point of friction.
None of this is dramatic on its own. But it accumulates.
And it starts to change how people relate to each other.
This doesn’t stay contained at home. It moves into the workplace as well.
Many women don’t speak about what’s happening. Sometimes because they don’t yet understand it themselves. Sometimes because they don’t want to be seen differently. Often because they simply don’t want to have to explain it.
So they push through. They cope. And they do it quietly.
Which reinforces the same problem. The structures around them were never built with this in mind. So menopause remains invisible, not because it isn’t there, but because everything around it is designed as if it isn’t.
Awareness Has To Go Both Ways
And this is where Debbi’s point lands.
Awareness has to go both ways.
Women need earlier access to information, so they can recognise what is happening as it begins. Men need to take responsibility for understanding it, rather than waiting to be guided through it. Because expecting a woman to educate her partner, while she is already navigating all of this, adds another layer of load that most don’t have the capacity for.
And beyond both of those, workplaces need to move from awareness to action. To create environments where this doesn’t have to stay hidden.
But even that isn’t the whole picture.
Because this isn’t just about awareness.
It’s about how two people learn to understand something neither of them were prepared for. How they adjust, communicate, and find a way to move through it together.
Because it was never just happening to her.
Listen to the conversation:
Watch the recording:
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