The Fashion Times recently published an article under the title - ‘Unfair’: Woman Says She Had to Bring Her Husband to Be Taken Seriously Over Perimenopause, Sparking Debate Over Women’s Healthcare
They picked up the story from the woman’s TikTok post seen here reposted on Reddit.
In the video she describes having been dismissed by four OB/GYN’s, being told that she should try diet and exercise etc. For her most recent appointment she decided to take her husband with her to provide an extra voice that her symptoms were real.
Surprise - An Unsurprising Outcome
Unfortunately, and perhaps unsurprisingly, it worked. At the end of the video she tells us that she has labs ordered, a prescription filled and an ultrasound ordered. We don’t know what happened at those previous appointments but what we do know is that she finally feels seen and heard.
Sadly this isn’t an uncommon story. I’ve heard from many women and couples who have faced this struggle.
What we don’t know is if this particular OB/GYN would have been open to the conversation without her husband present anyway. Regardless of whether they would or wouldn’t have been open to it, the very fact that this woman saw taking her husband along as a last resort opens all kinds of questions.
Take Your Husband To Your Appointments
It might make you and/or your partner uncomfortable but take them anyway. For too long men have been excused from these conversations because it’s a “woman’s issue”. On the one hand we say we want men to be included and to be involved in these conversations and at the same time we shut them out of the room where the most important conversations are happening.
One poster left this comment -
“I bring my husband to every gyno appt. I swear I get better care. Plus, he needs to see and hear first hand what goes down there. He’s been to a pap, uterine biopsy, cervical biopsy, my IUD placement, etc. He always asks great questions, including gems like ‘why aren’t you giving her pain medicine for this highly invasive procedure.’ I ain’t going on this bullshit journey, with bullets to dodge left and right, on my own!”
Men should be in the room because they can then see and hear what she is being told firsthand. He provides another voice to ask questions, perhaps ones that she might have missed because of his perspective. Most importantly it makes it real that this isn’t something happening somewhere else in her life, it’s happening in the part of her life that affects both of them.
What stands out to me from that comment is this line - “he needs to see and hear first hand what goes down there.” I couldn’t agree more. Women’s health shouldn’t be a mystery to men, something that is shuffled off to a box marked “Women’s issues”.
What Debate?
What exactly are we debating? Are we debating that women experience these symptoms? Are we debating that their pain and suffering doesn’t deserve as much attention as men? Because there shouldn’t be a debate about women’s healthcare in the 21st Century. Historically there have been significant underfunding of research into women’s health. Men and their bodies are seen as the default, while women are seen as a “specialist” category. It’s much easier to underfund and sideline “specialisms” than it is to sideline mainstream healthcare.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with taking your partner to your OB/GYN appointments, there are very good reasons to do it. What should concern us most is that this woman got to the point where she felt taking him was the only way to be taken seriously.
Would you take your male partner to your next OB/GYN appointment because you want him there or because you think you’ll get better treatment?
Want to add to the conversation. Leave a comment. I reply to them all.
This substack runs on copious amounts of tea. If you’d like to support it, you could always buy me a cuppa.
I would take my husband if I wanted support or another set of ears.
But I should not have to bring him as a character witness for my own body.
That’s the part I can’t get past.